Jin talks Depression; The #JNT Video Update & The Overwhelming Response.

Life is about balance. For every high there is an equivalent low, and for some of us the contrast between those two is much greater than for others.

Or at least, this has been my experience.

Five days ago I shared a very special #JNT Video Update and gave the whole online world a chance to not only listen about my struggle to maintain Balance, but I also share a very emotional video from a particularly 'low' moment that occurred quite recently.

Here is that video:

A little hard to watch, right? I mean, eleven minutes today is the equivalent of, like, forever ten years ago. But besides being an incredibly long video, it's a subject that most of us aren't so open about. Let's change that.

Click below to continue the discussion.

Now obviously this is slightly serious-er than my usual #JNT video updates. I mean, it's no tequila-fuled night at The W Hotel, that's for sure. I don't have much to say about the video itself though, as I do go over quite in depth my reasons for sharing, and also why I hesitated in doing so.

What I'd like to talk about is the response.

The response to this video.. Has been Awesome.

Not only has this been my highest hitting video to date (even more than Topless in Eugene!), but I have been overwhelmed in comments, messages, texts, emails, and even phone calls from those that have taken the time to watch. You guys... Are Awesome.

I have to be honest, almost immediately after posting this video I was overcome with a sense of.... anxiety and fear and overwhelmingly so, a sense of Guilt. Yes, I felt insanely guilty. I felt like I had fucked up, and that there was a giant backlash already on it's way as a result of what I had done because I had shared something so personal. (What a strange response, don't you think??) But the only 'backlash' thus far has been one of Love and Understanding.

Fucking. Awesome.

What I had not truly realized at the time, as I pushed myself forward with psuedo-motivations of being an open soul and a 'true artist,' was how easy it was to just say that this was for my art. But in the end, this share was just for me. I have never received so many "I'm proud of you"s in my life. Ever. And dammit, I'm starting to be proud of me too.

But the important thing that I want to point out here is, that while this opening and sharing and literally showing of my emotional battles is truly a huge step for me, the only way I could ever be the receiver of so much damn Pride, is if the message that I am sharing is actually relatable.

Well holy fuck. Guess what. The world relates to depression.

Even those that have not personally felt the sickly feeling deep in the pit of your stomach, as you push through your day with your head held high, all while knowing that beneath you is an endless chasm, waiting to swallow you and consume you if you are only to just glance downward, just for a second... even those that have not felt that personal despair have reached out in Love. They have now seen one of my darkest moments, which only makes them appreciate my Golden Moments, the art that I work so hard to create and share, that much more.

YOU GUYS. SERIOUSLY. YOU GUYS. ARE FUCKING AWESOME!!

This leads me to one question though... If these struggles that I am dealing with personally, that have always been a part of me, are so damn relatable, or at the very least, found this video to be thought-provoking and maybe even eye-opening ... Then why was this so hard to share..?

Why am I not able to honestly answer, 'How ya been?' with a solid, confident and unashamed, 'Depressed.'..?

DEPRESSED.

Just verbalizing the word creates an uncomfortable silence, the only socially acceptable response to which a rather disappointing, "TMI." Gross.

Depression. I've felt it. I've known it. I've let it consume me. Many, many, many times. And as frustrating as it is that the big D follows me into every phase of my life, I am so happy that I shared. Because we all need to share. More. About everything. Now.

So to keep all the wonderful stories shared with me in one place, I'll be posting in the comments some of the best responses that I have and will receive to this particular video, so that I can come back to them time and time and time again and revisit how the many of you stood proudly alongside me to recognize just how fucked up and beautiful life is.

My name is Jin. I know depression. And I am here to start the conversation.

XoXo
JNT

And because this whole thing was one ungodly wordy downer, here is a video that has made me LAUGH AND LAUGH AND LAUGH. Holy fuck. So much laugh.

Like, randomly while driving and I'll think of it, and it will make me laugh. It's so good. I can't even.

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