The Danish Disaster - A 'Photog' From Hell

as anyone in this industry can tell you - there are a LOT of creeps out there. this particular photog however, introduced only as "Ian," was an extra exceptional case...

first off, here are screen shots of my entire conversation with this man. feel free to read or not, but two things i'd like to make clear:

1. HE contacted ME
2. i stated that my out of town rates are $80/hr in my VERY FIRST MESSAGE to him

that being said, let me start at the beginning....

living in bakersfield i often travel out to the LA area for shoots. typically i will wait until i get one or two paid gigs lined up, and then i will put out a casting call and message my list of "would like to work withs" and book up a full 2 or 3 days from there knowing that at least my gas and possibly lodging is covered.

"Ian" was my paid gig. he contacted me about a shoot, i said $80/hr, he said 2 hours in Culver City, we set up a day, and i subsequently booked two meetings, a group shoot, and a fashion show (ALL non-paid work) around that shoot. during my message conversation with Ian i had frequently become frustrated. i would write back a lengthy message asking questions about when/where/concept/wardrobe/make up/ etc and the most i ever got back was one line. typically only in response to my very LAST question. it was not until his SIXTH response that he gave me a name, even though i had asked before. no last name, just "Ian".

red flags continued to occur - waving proudly!

four days prior to shooting he asked about changing the location to Paso Robles. you know, the exact opposite direction from bakersfield than culver city, and now four hours away from my fully booked weekend in LA. i told him no can do.

his next message regarded money. since he had asked for a two hour shoot i had responded let's go ahead and make it $150 for a 2-3 hour shoot (honestly, i'm not greedy! i just can't travel 2 1/2 hours for free!). seven messages later, however, he informs me that we 'had not discussed price' and that $150 was too much, could i do $80. as i mentioned, i now had a very busy weekend planned around the expectation that i would be making money to go towards my gas/food/lodging/etc. i was irritated, but being professional and not wanting to cancel my only paid gig, i said $80 would be fine but we could not go over the two hour limit.

here's where it gets interesting!

the longest, and coincidentally the last, message i received from Ian was his request that i wear a short skirt and a black thong. and, instead of saying hi or shaking hands or something silly like that, when we first meet i should instead take off my panties.

'hi, i'm here for the rape? oh sorry, did i ruin it by speaking?'

i told him, no, i would like to introduce myself first, although we can certainly incorporate the panty removal later into the shoot (hey, i got nothing against the concept, it's hot! but holy gawd let me say hi first!).

i then proceeded to double check that i had packed my mace.

oh, by the way, here's his MM profile! complete with links to his recent videos of some very young girls, quite intoxicated, in a women's restroom in Hollywood.

on to the day of the shoot!

having sent a confirmation message the night before (no response) and with a car, as always, packed full of wardrobe, make up, props, shoes, accessories, and foodstuffs, i set out the day of from bakersfield to culver city. i gave myself nearly an hour longer than i usually would as the grapevine periodically closes due to winter weather.

about a half hour out i sent Ian my first text. his response, a half hour later, asks if i am "nervous" about the little introduction he had asked for.

'uhhh.. you mean the one where i don't say a word, just get out of my car and take off my panties for you? the one i said i was not going to do? that a simple hand shake and introduction would be proper? yeah, no.'

so i let him know, once again, that i was not going to do that (i was very specifically wearing jeans even). the day quickly starts flying down hill from there. his next few responses over the rest of my drive are regarding the lamentable fact that his roommates are home, he doesn't like his roommates, he's never had any before, they've been there two months and won't let him park where he wants, and he's moving out at the end of the month, etc.

'excuse me, what does this have to do with anything??"

he also starts to accuse me of being late, as our shoot was supposed to start at 1pm (WRONG - read the messages, we confirmed for 2-4pm) and that he might need to leave at 3... either way, i arrive in culver city at the address given to me at 2pm.

except that the address given to me is NOTHING.

there's a small business complex with a coffee shop at 4510, but i was told to go to 4508. about two buildings farther down however at 4580 is a small group of apartments. so either he meant the coffee shop but gave me a rough estimate of the address (like you do), or one of us suffers from dislexia and he lives in the apartments but forgot to include the unit number (another common mistake).

i don't know though, because Ian is no longer answering his phone.

i spent the next hour and a half calling him repeatedly, texting him, knocking on doors asking lamely for "Ian - the photographer?," and receiving the very sporadic text response from him eventually explaining that, no, he was not in the apartments or the coffee shop, he lives a few blocks away and was having a fight with the aforementioned roommates. if you read the texts you'll notice that apparently after an hour he did show up at the coffee shop, waved at some woman that was not me, and then left. he didn't even know what i looked like...

during that hour and a half, Ian never once answered his phone to my 9 phone calls, but would respond to texts about every 15 minutes or so...

finally, an hour and a half later, the long awaited "Ian" shows up....

for the role of Ian, imagine John C. Reilly with a danish accent and a lot of twitches

the first thing he tells me? 'i was really hoping the grapevine would be closed.' ..??!

my face-to-face interaction with Ian is even more interesting than the messages and texts. i'm of course irritated but i understand that, hey, sometimes shit happens! so instead of being a raging bitch as i easily could have been, i was nice, polite, and professional. i'm not in the business of burning bridges after all.

in his nervous, round about way, Ian brings up the idea of rescheduling. either at my hotel that night if i text him the address, or he could pick me up and take me to venice (yeah, sure, i like assisting kidnappers). or perhaps the next day at midnight after my 12 hour day of shooting. that would mean either an early morning drive back to bakersfield or another night paying for a hotel. i say that later that evening is a possibility after my two meetings regarding other projects, or possibly on a future visit to LA. this is when i drop the bomb and tell him that either way, while i'm happy to reschedule, i would appreciate the $80 we had agreed on. the money will go towards the expenses i was already out and would absolutely go towards shooting together either that night or in the future.


he did not take this well.


he eventually offered to fill up my gas tank. not at the station right there across the street though, because he needed to go to a bank. he needed to go to a bank because he had no money. in fact, standing in this random ass coffee shop parking lot, he pulled out and opened up his wallet to show me that, indeed, he had no money.

'so wait a second.. after i showed up at your mystery house, wherever it may be, and dropped my drawers instead of, oh you know, saying hello and here's my release etc..... how exactly were you going to pay me..??'

at this point Ian says if i follow him to a gas station he will fill my tank; and follow i did. right on his ass the whole way. he pulls up at a bank and i pull into the gas station right next to it. why he parked at the bank though, i don't know. appearance sake i suppose since he didn't use the bank at all.

he meets me at the gas station and puts in $20 of gas.

as he is hurriedly trying to make his way back to his car, i ask him, what about the other $60?
here are some of my favorite responses...

'well, let me talk to my friend and see if he wants to pay to publish these photos first.'
'there's, like, a 50% chance that i'll come to your hotel tonight.'
'you know, i'm sick of being harassed by these models that are all about money.'
'that wasn't a contract!!'
'i don't like being blackmailed.'
'i didn't know you were going to want the money right away.'

this conversation, by the way, happens in chunks as i was pursuing him as he was nearly running back to his car. the conversation ended thusly:
'what do you want??'
'i'd like the full $80 that we agreed on.'
'.. fuck it. i don't give a fuck.'
and he got in his car and drove away. not entirely sure why, but i snapped a photo of his license plate as he did.

five hours after leaving bakersfield, my 'photoshoot' with Ian was concluded.

like all misadventures in life though, there was much to be gained. some very important lessons learned from all this:
-trust my instincts
-ask for references
-record the conversation
-take a picture!
-and pay attention to make and model dammit. followed right behind him, couldn't even tell ya what kind of car he drives... two door? kinda gay? that's all i got...

you may have noticed in the MM screenshots that he blocked my ass. i've sent one text two days later, to which his response was a threat to take out a restraining order on me. nice!

Ian has now earned a stellar spot on my growing list of photogs i'd recommend you avoid (if you are a model in the LA area or Idaho and want the full list, please email me!).

i was so relieved after this nightmare was over, that at