Day 5 - Forgiveness & Pasta

​Ayyyyyyyyyy today's lesson - there's always a fucking lesson!! some days I'd just like to EXIST please and thank you!! - is to forgive myself for the sake of my own Happiness.

I have such a long, long, long way to go, and habits of mine that I've been disliking for years, my whole life basically, are still here (duh), and as I'm about to go to sleep it's so hard not to just sit here and beat myself up. It's hard to just accept and Let Go and focus on the fact that Today was a Good Day. Truly. 

Today was especially a Good Day when you consider the terrible dream I woke up from this morning - You know, at 6am . . Before the sun gets up . . . Yeah.

I woke up from it feeling so sad and overwhelmed and all the anger from yesterday rushed back at me and I had some bitter tears in bed but got my ass up and went to the morning yoga session with Karen.

It was exactly what I needed.

Karen gets me. Or more, I get her style of yoga. It reset my whole mind and my whole day and I spent an extra 20 minutes after everyone left just stretching and Feeling Good.

I also had three of the best meals of my life today (darling Javier.. you don't know how serious I am about stealing you back to LA with me.. my room is near the kitchen, and all day I hear his chanting and prepping and dijeridoo playing, and all his positivity and knowledge goes right into his sensational dishes). Although, being "The American" perhaps, I fitted suit a bit too well and overindulged - like, a LOT - at lunch, and certainly paid the price.

I also spent the morning taking sneaky nude photos for all of YOU (luckies!) and the majority of the day editing video in one of the living rooms that is all windows looking out over the mountains and valleys. It was not a bad office at all.

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​I'm having a hard time however not delving into all the things that I didn't do, or that I should have done, or that I missed out on, or that I ate way too much of, etc. (but seriously, that pasta was soooooooo good!)

As I type that all out though I can actually physically feel the pain of focusing on The Negative; my shoulder has tensed up, my collarbone hurts (the only bone I've ever broken, about ten years ago now), and the incredible dinner we all just shared suddenly isn't resting well in my stomach.

So let me change that! Let me focus on The HAPPY! Let me focus on how wonderful and warm and comfy my bed is, and how I took one of four naps in my entire life today and it was *incredible* and I'm so glad I took it, despite missing the evening yoga, and it was fated to happen because we've added an extra, even EARLIER session tomorrow morning, so I'll be waking up at 4.30am (oh gawd) and I would have been pushing myself too far if I hadn't taken a brief siesta. Besides - It's cultural!

Meanwhile, in other tabs, everything is coming together for my photo shoot on the coast of Spain, as well as this new workshop in Paris - FUCKING PARIS! - So good things are happening all around, if I just stop and look for them.

I was chatting with a women from Belgium yesterday about how of course I'm going to have to go to Paris, as cliche as that is, because it's just a dream and when I think of it I kinda start to cry.. like I am right now, and like I did when I told her that. She thought it was very sweet.

But seriously, fucking Paris.

Tomorrow is a big excursion day, and I need to find my phone charger, and I want to do a little more video editing but I need to sleep so I can be up again so soon and start on yet another adventure, all thanks to all of you.

Love ya, bitches,
JIN