Friday - Aye q dolor. Prepare yourself for a rather bitchy/venting-style post.. I woke up today wishing for more sleep, especially after yesterday and today's broken promises of an afternoon siesta. I also woke up with a lot of emotional tension in the right side of my upper back which I've done my best to release over the day. What I really need though is some skilled masseuse hands or, what would work just as well if not more so, a hug from the man I love. . . But I would also take a massage in a heart beat.
I've been gone from my beautiful LA home roughly ten days now, and each one has been just a bit exhausting. Hard to believe I flew to Spain just a week ago. . .
After this mornings yoga sesh, I mentioned to our instructor Karen the pain I was having, and she pushed down on my shoulders a little bit and said in her thick, adorable, Peruvian accent, "ah yes, you need to do more heart openers; Finish crying." She is so wise. From there I don't know where the day went, but I know I have a full list of to-dos that I only accomplished two of, I need to be up in six hours, and what I want more than anything in the world is toast (am I dying??).
I'm supposed to forgive myself though, for my incomprehensible lack of productivity today, and my inability to just man up and get over a sore shoulder, ya poor li'l baby (I'm doing well so far as you can see), so that I can Let Go and Move On for tomorrow. These six hours of sleep will do me wonders, I know it.
And they fucking better! Today was the last full day of the retreat, and tomorrow I make my way to the southern coast of Spain for my first European photo shoot!
I know that while, as always, this week wasn't nearly what I wanted it to be as far as accomplishments with work, and that I don't feel like I've really leveled up my yoga at all (I know, that's a lot to ask of just one week but fuck, it was about 20 hours in 7 days! Come on! Shouldn't I at least be like waaaay thinner??), along with many other much nicer reasons that I am sad this week has gone by so fast, I know that a lot of these emotions I'm feeling are because I am *ready* for the next leg of this adventure.
I'm ready to be able to walk outside and see people and music and to go where I want and to find someone that will just rub my shoulders professionally for ten minutes please Gawd. And as lovely as our final dinner was, truly, and the food of course very much so succeeding at being the loveliest of all, I'm really ready to sit and eat alone; something I did for the first time at 15 and loved doing instantly. I often find new places to enjoy a meal alone at, and doing so while traveling is one of my favorite things. Although, doing so since I've chosen to follow a vegan diet has made it quite a bit more challenging, and I'm pretty sure that I actually am already dying like for real as my path has now parted from that of our dearest vegan chef Javier, who returned home today to gather his foods and his herbs for his next group of lucky sumbitches that he'll be creating food art/love for.
Even the carnivores were very happy with this incredible, vegan spaghetti and salad meal (I would literally kill someone for a bottle of that salad dressing right now)
The evening yoga class I did in fact stay after, to indulge in that cry. It wasn't nearly as cathartic or relieving as the occurrence after the Kundolini class, but Karen was right as usual. I definitely didn't let out as much as I wanted to Wednesday(?) morning. So hopefully it did me some good; To cry in a yoga Shala, in the mountains, in the rain, in Spain, just myself, in various lazy hip and shoulder stretches, all while wrapped up in a blankee.
Aaaaaaaaye.
It was a bit of a sad day, but a Good Day of course. I am Alive and Healthy and oh so fucking Tired but pushing myself and learning and learning and I am so sick of learning and I should be able to get more sleep than this come Sunday once I am nice and nestled in the bosom of Barcelona.
I will miss this place, and especially Patricia and Antonio who currently run this property for the owners and who also create yoga workshops all over the world (California next please!). I had many lovely conversations with Patricia, (check out SeaOfCalm.com) who is so sincere in her questions and to whom I felt instantly pulled towards. The answers I gave were honest, as usual, but a little more so even, and terribly riddled with Spanglish. So terrible. She still asked though and she still listened and she taught me a lot of words and helped me a lot in a lot of ways, all while never blinking.
Spanish people don't blink when they talk to you. They all have eyes the colors of the mountains and they just smile and speak rapidly and stick their tongue out a lot and talk right into your eyeballs the whole entire time. She's a beautiful person, and her partner, Antonio, is equally helpful and sincere, and is your total cliche, overly-boisterous Spanish man; When he laughs, the world laughs with him.
Coming back from dinner the first night I was - surprise! - quite grumpy if you recall, and I don't even remember what he had said, but he made himself laugh, and laughing made him laugh, and it's just him and three tiny yoga ladies in a car going up a mountain in the middle of nowhere on spanish Mother's Day and he is LAUGHING. And while I didn't have the energy to join in, his laughter fanned the fire in my heart to glow just a little bit. Antonio laughs a lot, and there is never any shame in his laughter either. He doesn't even notice if you are laughing along with him - this shit isn't for you.
So from them both I have learned a lot. Of my darling yoga teachers, Karen's instruction has been practically all that I want in a yoga session and she is an incredible example of what eating well and being dedicated to your practice can do for you and your physique. Our other instructor, Rua, is beyond sweet and caring and has given me so much, including this trip, and a dozen hugs and encouragement into that dreaded meditative practice and even a bottle of powerfully magenta nail polish. When she asked my opinion of her teachings I was politely honest about how much I absolutely want to tear my hair out the entire time, and Rua has been nothing but understanding, empathetic, incredibly knowledgable and super sweet.
A little info - Rua's particular style of yoga, Hatha Yoga, is all about making time and space for the mind - and while I have relatively good control of my body, I have never, ever had any control of my mind. Hence a lifetime of constant distraction, and the reason why I "hate" her classes ( I do/don't/do mean that), which is exactly the reason why I pushed myself to go every day. Well, every day that is minus the one, during which I took a nap and I'm trying to convince myself I'm ok with, especially as I did wake up at 4am the next day for the impromptu class of Rocket Yogi Vibration Mind Fuck I mean Kundolini Yoga. (See previous post)
And now I have about five hours until tomorrows emotional/physical roller coaster begins. Endless thank you's to the creators and orchestrators of this retreat, for all of you, coming together to get me here, and to my fellow yogaruka students. It's been fun kinda maybe let's just say it was because it really truly was I'm just such a cynical bitch sometimes most times i'm trying but really you are all SO beautiful and I love you all and it was a distinct pleasure getting to know each and every one of you.
. . .
For the most part ;)
XoXo
Jin <3
Two Spaniards, One Happy Vegan, Two Yogis, 3 Aussies, 1 Brit, 1 Norwegian (Scandinavian?), 1 Belgium Waffle, and One Little World-Traveling Badass aka Yours Truly.
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