Many of you are quite aware of just how hard this month has been for me. In fact, many of you have been there supporting me, and joining "The Depression Discussion" online, as well as sending your love and condolences for The Loss of My Dear Little Honda.
So what to do, Valentine's Day in LA, little Jin, at home alone and struggling to pull my last limb out of the Hungry Bog of TotalBummerTown, "YouUselessPOS"Ville, USA... with no shoots lined up in the foreseeable future, no mental ability to handle emails or phone calls, no physical ability to leave the house, injured foot, ribs, head, and heart, no car and no photographer in sight. . ... ..???
I posed anyway, motherfucking god dammit. I. Posed. Anyway.
It only lasted maybe twenty minutes before, physically and mentally exhausted, shaking, sore, and frustrated, I returned to bed, but this time somehow feeling a little lighter. A little wholer. A little bit more like the person I want to be, the person I can be and struggle every day to choose to be, and not the person that depression was making me. I had a silver lining...
These photos looked GOOD.
Fuck it, * I * looked good.
And I couldn't care if you agree! Although, let's face it, you'd be fucking crazy not to. So welcome to February's VIP Only photo set! I hope these photos bring to you all the things that they bring to me;
Strength, Beauty, Power, Femininity, Seductry (I know that's not a word, I'm making it one), Romance, Winged Eyeliner, & Smiles.
Lots of smiles.
My little Smiler Assister: Say hi to my Feline Princess, CiCi (!!) who graciously joined me in some of my favorite shots - Including This Month's Wallpaper(s)!
A tiny bit of unfortunate news with this beautiful set; Because this is basically just a glorified selfie-sesh, I don't believe any of these images are quite high enough quality to create an 8x10print, the way I like to each month. Please check out my Print Shop anyway though, for a special 4, 4x6 package, signed and kissed by yours truly, from this set <3
Thank you so much for all that you do - I do have one last surprise! This photo set comes with a very special bonus - a little time-lapse video of yours truly, posing my heart out aka "flopping around naked on my living room floor."
And because I want this to be a relationship built on honesty, I'll just admit it that this only happened because I forgot that "time-lapse" is not the same as Rapid Fire; something my iphone 5 apparently lacks. ... So enjoy!
It's equal parts sexy and sexy awkward, as I was trying some things dammit and I live with no regrets and also I could not see when it was taking the photos, so to speak.
I can't believe this month is over. I find it hard not to fall back into The Pit when I look back and realize just how much of this month I spent ("wasted") in Sadness..
And isn't that just the ultimate kick in the fucking arsehole? To be SAD because of how SAD you were??
I'm choosing not to do it.
In the two weeks since this selfie/photoset, I am doing so much better. I'm about to do yoga for the first time since January and I feel pretty confident in my body's ability to remember and I'll be listening closely, not just to my body but to my heart, and I'm happy to take it slow.
Slow movement is better than no movement.
I was also lucky enough to spend this wonderful, sunny saturday at my gorgeous Hollywood home, reading, writing, laughing, alongside the talented and gorgeous European model Sara Scarlet who I am SO excited to be hosting for the next week (LA Photogs - Book her!! firstname.lastname@example.org!) and I have a wonderful just-for-me-trip to wine country lined up here this next weekend.
It'll be nothing but time happily spent reading, writing, and loving myself and, perhaps, a certain special someone that one might imagine I was thinking of throughout this entire photo set..
I love my VIPs! Everything I share is free, because what's the point of creating, and not sharing?? I'm looking for ways to be comfortable with capitalism though, and am setting up a Patreon page for those who wish to support me! You can also always contribute to the Keep JNT Lookin' Hott Foundation, and I'll be sure to send a special 'Spank You' back ;)